I spent most of my adult life and career in the traditional academic system - went to an Ivy League college, followed my fiancé to Medical School and straight into an academic medicine career, and then...of course...had to prove my worth with my own set of graduate degrees. I received a Masters in Public Health in 2004 & PhD in Epidemiology in 2008, and began a very successful career (with a great startup package...every new grad's dream!) in Cancer Research. My research was published with prestigious co-authors, and I even managed to snag TWO highly coveted NIH grant awards.
But, I was miserable. I found I had no passion for the work, and could not help but feel like my soul was being sucked right out of me. Which of course led to some serious self-loathing and self-judgement - 'who can't muster up passion for Cancer research?!?'. I ended up having what I later realized was actually my 3rd major depressive episode (the first 2, unfortunately, going completely undiagnosed) and finally got help when I literally couldn't put clothes on to go to work one morning. During a 6 month disability leave, I found yoga to be a HUGE part of my recovery. I fell in love with everything about the practice, and I learned so much about myself. I started to find some space by quieting the incessant chatter and self-judgement and 'shoulds' in my mind, and in the process got a tiny fleeting glimpse of my authentic self (she is in there somewhere!). I found brief, but magical, moments of Clarity. I will save the next post for what Clarity actually feels like and means to me, but for the sake of time, I will just say that it was peaceful and glorious, and I needed to figure out how to get more of it. So, I got trained and certified to teach yoga. I felt better. The cloud of depression and heavy weight of anxiety started to dissipate and ease up a little. I was healed! So, of course, my ego led me straight into the trap of thinking, 'well, now that that is over, I should go back to the much more prestigious and rational job that I spent so much money training for. I mean, that is the most responsible thing to do.' So, I went back part-time...and then eventually full-time. I had even set aside the yoga teaching for just a little stint. And, what do you know? I ended up right back in the same place, under a dark cloud of depression and spinning frantically with anxiety. But thank goodness the Universe is persistent with me - at the end of August 2016, two serendipitous things happened. 1) The yoga studio that I was teaching at started to sell water bottles that said, 'Love what you love.' And you were to fill in the blanks with a sharpie. But there were only three lines. How the heck do you sum up all that you love in three lines?!? I took this way more seriously than has been intended, but it finally came to me and has been crystal clear ever since... my loves, my passion, my fuel for waking up in the morning: connection, adventure, and teaching/learning (teaching and learning are two inseparable sides of the same coin in this model for me). Well. Mind blown. When I saw my academic career through that lens, I realized that, despite the fact that I was very interested in wellness, my full-time cancer research job was completely out of alignment with what I love. But what was the alternative? 2) Literally within about 4 weeks of the 'water bottle soul-searching exercise', I ended up quite accidentally at a Mary Kay event. Yes - Mary Kay...she was a real woman, it is a real company, no it is not a pyramid scheme, and YES, it is still around and relevant. Truly! I brought my daughter (16 years old) with me - thinking it would be just fun girl time. Not only did I leave there feel completely empowered by the fact that I felt my eyeshadow (which I didn't dare attempt before that day) looked pretty smoking hot, but I noticed that my eyes themselves were beautiful. And, I saw that I did have a nice shape to my lips, particularly when highlighted with that new lipgloss that I would have never tried before that session. Beyond the surprising power of the actual products, the Mary Kay consultant at the event that day seemed to truly like each other and worked together as a team, even though they were all independent business owners, and thus technically in direct competition. This was my very first introduction to network marketing, and the HINT that I actually could become an entrepreneur....and best of all, I realized that the academic world was not the only way to empower people and help them achieve wellness - in all dimensions. SO, I signed up. DOVE RIGHT IN. That was August 2016, and I left academics entirely on February 15th, just shy of 6 months later. When looking back at the two events that launched me to where I sit right this very moment, I realize that a bigger project has been brewing, and I just wasn't sure where in the process I was at with it.... when I first went on leave and started teaching yoga, I was at the time married to a Neurologist. A cautious Neurologist. So, when I started offering classes in rented space, he wisely encouraged me to form an LLC for my (very) small business. The Clarity Project was born way back then, but then was quickly abandoned. I went back to academics, where I could 'use my degree' and earn a steady paycheck. But, after another 'the Universe made me do it' moment more recently, my long time love of essential oils, and extremely serendipitous chain of events led me to doTERRA, and an essential oils network marketing business, and the most fabulous network of spiritually guided and authentic business owners. This series of events, the people I have met along the way, the opportunities that I have been given, and the challenges that I have accepted have all been completed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. And, I realized that THIS is the Clarity Project. A PROJECT because it is DAILY process and evolution. The Clarity Project LLC website is an umbrella launching pad for all the tools that have been critical in my journey - Discovering strength through yoga, Realizing Beauty with Mary Kay, Essential Wellness with doTERRA, and finding true abundance - of time, money and energy - with the unique combination of all three. This Living out Loud Journal that you are reading right now is a companion to the Clarity Project website. It is Clarity in Real Time, and is meant to largely help me record my daily meandering through anything else that may prove helpful (or not so helpful). While specific twists and turns will differ for sure - as we are all unique - I know I can't possibly be alone on this meandering and sometimes confusing path to find clarity and purpose. My intention in sharing is to speak the voice that I have so recently (finally!) found and go public with what I have been practicing (some days WAY more successfully than others) since my first leave absence. I am committed to leading a life on purpose and cultivate a daily habit of realizing beauty, strength, focus, growth, abundance & wellness. Because we are all unique, and despite all of the research and advice, we are all on our own journey to clarity. As this Project evolves for me, the tools I will use and share will likely shift and change as well - I am excited to see the evolution, and I would love to have any company along the way.
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Author: Jenn PetersonHey there! I am a proud mom, wife, scientist, yogi, and teacher. My goal is to help others as I learn to help myself. Together let's help each other continuously realize our absolute beauty, strength, power, abundance & wellness! :) Archives
August 2017
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